Perception is Reality, but you do have options.

The first time I heard this was around 30 years ago when a slightly avuncular VP of an American Bank took me to lunch. This was a time when a VP title meant something with the likes of Chase, Citi and Bank of America having but a handful in London as opposed to the hundreds that seem to exist these days. By way of comparison in Bank Of America to be a VP in Operations you needed to have at least 500 people reporting to/through you!

The occassion was a response my expressed disgruntlement at having not received the promotion I thought I deserved and had expected.. I was young and very ambitious in those days with a huge self-belief. Well some things don't change. :)

In essence the simple message was that no matter how good you think you are or indeed might be if others who have the power of determination do not see (or perceive) that then it you have a problem. They will see what they perceive as a reality, rather than what you think they should.

The reason I am blogging now is in response to a post on Linkedin today which said "Don’t change yourself; change their interpretations". I think this was meant as an inspirational Friday message and it did in fact get me thinking.

I like the first part as I learnt some years ago that trying to keep changing yourself to meet everyone's different expectations can be quite destructive. The message when I started work was that you cannot change everyone else, but you can choose to change yourself. This is not too bad, at least in concept, if "everyone" wants the same thing, but when 100 people want a 100 different "you"s then you can end up spinning like a one-stringed pennant in the wind.

I realised around 15 years ago that in trying to climb the corporate ladder and change myself to each boss and company I had in fact lost the essential me and set out re-establishing who I am and want to be.. I am happy that I did so and now sleep happily at night even if I may not have earned as much as some others. Though to put things in perspective and if the recent Times article is to be believed then in terms of "class" in the 21st Century UK I do seem to fall into the "elite" category so I shouldn't be too hard on myself.

Back to the trigger for this post. The alternative that is proposed is to "change their interpretation". This is often harder than we would like to admit. The comment that you only have one chance to make a first impression is so true. Once that impression in place, persuading the other person to change that impression is tantamount to asking them to admit they were wrong - this is rarely easy and certainly among business leaders where and admission of error is seen as a sign of weakness.

One might say that I am ducking the problem, but my alternative is to look for NEW opportunities to create the first impression you want others to hold AND to look for environments where the person you are will be valued. This means that you need to understand yourself well and at the early stages of career may be more luck than judgement, but as one grows a little older one can be more discerning.

At lunch today a colleague said something I have said before, which was "the happier I am at work the more effective I am". I would certainly suggest that unless you are purley driven by money or are in a position where taking what is offered is of paramount importance, look at every opportunity and ask "Will I be happy doing that?"

If the answer is yes, the chances are that you will perform well and others will perceive you well. A win-win result! So before you decide to change the perception/interpretation of others it is worth determining if you need to do so, or if alternative directions/opportunities are open to you.