What a difference two years makes!

I have often said that I have worked hard at my network over the last few years, but today I say visual evidence which I share below.

 

This map was made of my linkedin network on February 2011..........

 

.......and this one today at the end of March 2013 - a little over two years later.

Quite a diference, eh? I sort of though the first oe looked like a pecking chicken. A la Rolf Harris, can you see it? the head on the left (green) with a comb on top and beak underneath. I does lack feet, but the body sort of works.

This new one remonds me of one of those microscopic sea animals with a body to the right (green and blue) and short webbed tentacles to the left. Maybe it is just me seeing that.

More seriuously it is a way bigger and more connected network, if still a little lopsided. The "body" is largely related to being somewhere for 6 1/2 years. The rest of the network is my diverse yet connected interests.

Empathetic Tenacity ........ all embedded in good manners.

The other evening I found myself being unexpectedly, but decidedly interviewed for as yet I know not what. That is what makes life interesting.

One of the questions I was asked was how do I deal with a very difficult person - it turned out eventually that they "difficult" they had in mind related to professional actuaries.

Before I knew the specifics the best I could relate to were characters I have met in trading rooms and corporate finance. I crafted my response around those instances and seemed to satisfy the enquiry as the discussion progressed and became more open.

This morning that conversation came back to me and I was think how would I answer the question better if it comes up again.My conclusion was that "empathetic tenacity .... all embedded in good manners" is my snappiest, yet most accurate answer.

Dissecting that phrase in reverse order, I believe that there is little or no excuse for not having good manners. Now we can debate exactly what these are, but the generalities of "please" and "thank you" are a start, as is an appropriate degree of respect for the other person whatever their relative ranking in an organisation or society. This does not mean being obsequious or fawning. A good question to ask is "would my mother be proud of how I am acting with this person?"

Now to "tenacity", this is about demontrating staying power and purpose. That is not the same as obstinacy, but rather if one is rebuffed, clarifying to the other party what you need to do, why and by when; bouncing back with a suggestion to meet again at another date or indeed alternative ways to work together.

One has to judge every situation on its needs and merits, but the key is that the "difficult party" gets the silent message "I'll be back!", Arnolld Schwarzenegger said in The Terminator.

The "empathetic" bit, probably comes from the people side of me. At my core I think the best of the people I work with and that if they are behaving badly there is a reason. If I can understand that reason I can work my way around it.

Of course there are exceptions, but they are usually sorted out quite quickly by the collective (the same way thugs were sorted when I used to play rugby!).

If I can understand the reason I can then, a bit like some of the martial arts, find ways to nullify them or indeed use them to deliver my requirments. Understanding the environmental elements is important, knowing when to walk away with a smile and discerning when might be a better time is invaluable. Similarly understanding how they assimilate information and indeed when the do it best(morning, afternoon, in the office, over a coffee, etc, etc).

When it comes to assimilating information, some handle written words better, others handle spoken words, some need everything in numbers, while others "see" pictures. Some like to understand the big picture first while others seek detail immediately. A mismatch between what a person seeks and what they are being given is often the source of the "difficulty". I look to bridge the gap. to either provide joining context, or at times to re-present information in another form. This can go a long way to winning over a difficult person and make you a valuable (and trusted?) "translater".

Sometime I need to be prepared to hear something else first before I can get to what interests me. Listening is an important skill, both to what is said and what is not said.

If in doubt you can always seek advice from one of their colleagues or someone else who appears to be more successful than you in dealing with this person.

There are two things not to do, at least in my opinion. The first is to resort to bullsh*t or blagging; instead admit what you don't know and seek enlightenment from the person and/or make sure you do your homework for the next time. If someone wants to be difficult and you give them an opportunity to persist in their bad behaviour then they most likely will, with interest.

The other thing is not to go "toe to toe", ie don't try and fight them at their game; they are almost certainly better at it than you are. Instead when a meeting heads for the mire, stay above it and live up to your standards and not down to "theirs"!

There may be other ways to deal with difficult people, but this set of responses has served me pretty well and allowed me to sleep at night.

Is this where so many go wrong?

I came across this on a friends Facebook page and I was struck, by the power of its message. Initially I was thinking that it would be great if every teenager could really understand this and not have to learn it through the knocks and bumps of life, often only appreciating it later in life - or is that just me?

Then I started thinking about all the corporate management development courses I have attended that under "self awareness" have carried the message that one needs to fit in to get on. Of course there is the explicit support of diversity, but in practice the ability to clone yourself of your boss has long been a contributor to success. But is the right? It may be easy for the boss to handle staff who look, talk and think like he or she does, but does that really help the enterprise? From th eother side one hopes that if one looks like a boss, walks like a boss, thinks and talks like a boss otehrs will see you as boss and promote and reward you.

In contrast I was a) thinking about the times when I have felt myself, yet as one with the organisation and b) when one feels twisted out of shape just being there and the marked difference in energy levels and contribution between the two situations.

While there is undoubted wisdom in the saying as written for one's personal life, the wisdom in working life is that finding the workplace where you do not have to change to be valued and engaged is the key. All the time you are having to present a "face" just to get on, your contribution will be below optimum and your energy will be continually drained.

Sometimes this means saying no to a job opportunity as it is not the right place. This can be hard in times of economic difficulty, but is probably the right answer in the long run.

Anyway, food for thought.

RTFM? Or should it be "Run for the Hills"?

When I hear the answer to my question contain the phrase, "there is lots of information on our website", "we are just an (industry utility) and you need to work out what to do" or "we recommend you log on and start testing as soon as possible" I realise that any expectation of customer service I had needs to be heavily discounted.

Today's blog is a bit of a rant, but will be cathartic for being so. If you have no interest in hearing more I completely understand and the next blog will not be a rant......promise.

I know that life is becoming more complex with less and less time to make changes. Everyone is trying to do lots of things at the same time, but that is more reason to help each other, to share experience and knowledge and not leave each floundering in their own mudpool. Why do many people need to solve the same problem when the knowledge of one can help many?

Without giving incriminating details this morning has not been a good one and was topped off with a telephone conference that left me quite angry. I had asked for and until half an hour before the meeting I expected it to be a face to face meeting with a warm, speaking body where we would bottom out some confusing details. Instead I was then told that it was best for me (THEY decided what was best for me!) that we had a conference call. I was left with the option to have the call or nothing, well at least not for another few days when I have a deadline looming.

One thing I wanted to know was which legal entities I needed to "onboard" with the utility. The business we do and the way we do it is the same as hundreds or thousands of other firms so there should be a simple answer, but from the response you wouldn't believe so. Of course I could have been asking the question in some form of swahili patois, but I am pretty sure I was using English. When I was told to go to the website and that there was a lot of information there I definitely felt as if I had had my wrist slapped and told to go and read the f***ing manual. A great way to make me feel good and leave me no wiser.

For the record I had previously gone the website and despite an IQ and level of educational achievement I am quite proud of, I found it rather confusing. All I wanted was "for a firm/business like yours...this is what it takes......"

Following a previous conference call we had also been sent "the forms you need". In fact the forms came from three sources and included a number of near duplicates, ie almost the same, but different enough to leave one in doubt if to use both or one. When we raised this we heard that one was the old form - we were supposed to know that because an additional field on the "new" one. Well I guess the newer one could only be more confusing so it would not have had less fields!!!

We then established that three different forms effectively held 80-90% the same information, but each had to be filled in separately. Why????

OK well sometimes you just have to surrender and let the world flow around you. A colleague feels comfortable enough to "try it and see" to learn from putting things into the testing environment. Personally I feel uncomfortable because I cannot explain to anyone else exactly what is being done or why - at a detailed level that is - but if we are to meet our date then we have to do something. I was clearly making little progress but I won't run for the hills. Instead I will put my faith and support my colleagues.

Just in case the reader has not cottoned on yet, I really hate when my service provider tells me to RTFM, at least in so many words.

Rant over!

Networking is great!! Long live networking!!

I think networking is great. You get to meet interesting people, finding stimulating subjects to discuss and explore and make new friends. Oh yes, and sometimes you find you are not alone, not the only crazy one with an idea.

Of course it helps if you like and are interested in people, but that is not a problem for me. I am someone who could happily sit outside a Parisienne cafe or beach bar and while away hours watching the people around me.

Recently at a networking event I was introduced to a new contact. We only spoke briefly, but he contacted me afterwards asking to meet. In truth I expected it would be one of the normal "sales" meetings where I would be pumped for contacts and opportunities at the company I am working for.

It was a pleasant surprise to then have a meeting where he seemed more interested in me than the company and in fact we easily roamed across a variety of subjects, finding both common ground and new ideas.

I was still not sure how this would pan out but he soon contacted me again saying that his "Board" would like to meet me. That was arranged and he arrived with three very experienced and interesting people. I won't embarass them by naming them (well unless someone asks me), but against their demonstrable career achievements, mine seemed very humble. That said we spent a good hour exchanging experiences, testing common ground and pushing out some ideas. I think I held my own and found it encouraging to find some like-minds when it comes to the limitations found in the industrial delivery of change and the need for agility and judgement when leading organisations and change these days.

At one point we talked about the need to focus on outcomes and benefits rather than just measure (and reward) activity. In financial services I have seen many twists and turns in the area of business measurement and have long been concerned that we are a) wasting time building an industry to collect information that adds no value than justify someone's being and bonus claim and b) are not measuring the things that really make business successful and live worth living.

One of my guests followed this up with a mail and link to one of his network connections, well more to her work as I have not connected with her. She runs TheHaloWorks which has questioned the old adage that "what gets measured, gets done" and instead focuses on benefits. As readers of other posts will know, I feel quite passionate about focussing on benefits in a change programme and on "feel, not formula" in how I catalyse the change process. I do not know the Halo Process, but suspect I would like it!

I was particularly caught by the last few words on the first page I was sent that read, "move to an 'Halo' approach using a trust model". This again resonated loud and clear as again readers will know that I have seen and reported on the disastrous loss of trust within financial services organisations - something I doubt can be fixed given the current regulatory regime and public outcry. That said we should try and it is newer companies that offer the best hope.

Rather than ramble on any further I will commend a look at Halo for anyone interested in running the human side of business and or change, for those interested in engagement (staff or clients). I also plan to see if I can in the networking spirit link "Halo" with two other of my interests - The Judgement Index - and an innovative and creative guy working in the arena of engagement called Doug Shaw.

Oh yes, I also hope that the opportunity may arise to work with "the Board" in future as I think our combination could be powerful and a lot of fun!

Viva networking

What a Six Nations!!!!

So at the end of the 2013 tournament the table stands like this.

I am a little surprised to find France at the bottom (Wooden Spoon in our parlance), but having seen the way they started against Italy at the start of the competition maybe I shouldn't be.

Wales are at the top and from yesterday's showing (I haven't watched all their matches) they deserve to be. They played some attractive rugby with pace and strength. I suspect they will be well represented in the Lions squad.

Scotland AND Italy firmly placed in mid-table will probably have pleased both and again feels right given what I have seen. Many would have suspected they would be filling the bottom two places, but Italy have shown considerable grit and some skill and Scotland have shown some good signs, just not enough of them to be higher.

So that leave England and Ireland one off top and bottom position respectively. As an England supporter I hoped for better from England, but they seem to have gone downhill since the sparkling start. It may be that the opposition coaches have sussed what England were doing and have managed to counter it, or it may just be a return to old ways? Either way I was back to pacing the floor for the second half of Saturday and in fact gave up and turned over before the end. That said second in the Championship feels about right for where that England team is right now..we still have two years to the RWC!!!!

Poor old Ireland must be the most disappointed. I am not sure I know when they were last so low in the table, but I am sure they did not expect to be there this year. Still room for improvement and maybe some new faces.


So now we march into a Lions summer. I wonder whose star will ascend in Australia?

The gift that keeps giving!

Recently I met up with an old college friend at a jazz evening. I sensed that she was not happy and the following day, as a concerned friend, I sent a short email. In her reply email she said "thank you for such a clear demonstration of true friendship."  This may sound silly, but that touched me and reminded me of something from 35 years ago. 


Around that time one of my first girlfriends gave me a key ring with a wooden tag and a motto pasted onto it. I used it a lot and when the motto fell off I kept it in my treasure box (yes, I have one) before putting it into a photo album some 15-20 years ago. I am not quite sure why, but it stayed with me and now I decided to scan the fragment and share it with my friend. You can see the result above. Pretty tatty, eh?

In truth the full quote is

“The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?”

Henry David Thoreau quotes (American Essayist, Poet and Philosopher, 1817-1862)

but I think the essence is captured in the first sentence.

As I went to replace the piece into my photo album I noticed, for the first time in 35 years, that there was something on the back. At first I assumed it was glue marks as that was the side stuck to the wooden tag. When I looked more closely I saw this:

I had no idea there was anything on the back and neither I am sure did my ex-girlfriend. A google search shows this to be a piece by Susan Polis Schutz from a book entitled "I'm Not That Kind Of Girl" published in 1976.

The full text is actually

From "I'm Not That Kind of Girl, A Collection of Poetry"

Schutz, Susan Polis

I have no idea how I never saw this before, but in the end I have taken double if not treble pleasure. Once when I was first given the key ring, then in sharing it with my friend and then the unexpected discovery of more "hidden" meaning.

One might say it is a gift that keeps giving.

Footnote: It is interesting the number of internet users who claim to have written the Susan Polis Shutz piece! Plagiarism lives!

Conversations with my younger self?

We have been on a redecorationg drive recently and in doing so have been moving loads of old(er) things. Something I came across was my photo albums - from the days when it was film that had to be developed and printed!!! Hands up who remembers those days?

Anyway I came across a picture of myself (and others) from (I think) the summer of 1985. What struck me was that it was a very similar pose to one taken last Autumn ie 27 years later. The result of putting them together and aligning them similarly is shown above.

Even though I say so myself I don't think I have worn too badly. Greyer hair tho' maybe a little less, better glasses(?) and different silver chains, but the ears haven't dropped, there aren't too many wrinkles and only one less tooth!

1985 was the summer after I got engaged and before I was married. I am still married 27 years later. I was then working for a large american bank and living in a flat in Chiswick. I currently still work in the City, but as a self-employed change contractor.

Posting this picture on Facebook has made few people smile, and in doing so it made me think of Pink's track "Conversations with my 13 year old self". It set me wondering what these two (handsome?) men would talk about if they were to meet face-to-face.

I think "older" me would make the point that one has to be prepared that life seldom works out exactly as you plan it. Back then I recall we thought we would get married in 1986 (we did), start a family in 1988 (we didn't manage that until 1995), have three children (we have but one beautiful daughter - who can sometimes feel as if she is the work of three) and that I would be looking to retire before 2010 (likely to be working for some time yet!).  That is not to say that "Plan B" (or is it "Plan Z" by now?) is bad, it most certainly is not, but personally and as part of a couple and a family it has required more agility, adaptability and recallibration than I ever expected. This is not so say one shouldn't have dreams or fight to achieve them, but rather that one has to learn when it is time to change course. The sooner you start to practice that the more skilled you become and the easier it is.

In contrast the "younger" me could well have reminded the older me of the need to keep some fun in your life. I don't think this is a problem with me now, but was during some of the intervening years. Life became a little intense and I let myself become drained. It is important to stay well in all respects if I am to be the man, husband, father and friend I hope to be. A key revelation during that "middle" period was that there is only one person responsible for your happiness and that is yourself. There is no point blaming others or the circumstances around you. Similarly it is not enough just to keep others happy if you are not. This was a lesson hard learned, but I think my wife will attest that I do now take time to do what I enjoy even if others don't. I like rugby ad sci-fi, reading and the movies, and I have an eclectic taste in music. I am not entirely alone in that my daughter likes Dr Who and the cinema as well as some of my taste in music (she likes Deep Purple!).

Oh did I forget that I like real beer too!!

I think that both "older" and "younger" me would agree that one should look to take opportunities when they appear. I think this is something my parents, but especially my mother, placed in my mind. The younger me did a fair amount of travelling with Kim, my wife, making the most of those years when there were just two of us. Latterly I am trying some new things each year. I have had writings and photographs published in national publications and I am blogging (obviously!). Last year I had a go at painting with watercolours  and this year I will attend a stand up comedy course. No, I don't think I am funny, but I am interested in seeing what I can learn from it. Trying something new keeps the juices going.

When I look at all the things that have happened in 27 years, I would be lying if I were to say everything was perfect, but in truth it is pretty good. What didn't kill me, made me stronger and I honestly think that faced with what I faced I would have made pretty much the same decisions again.

If the two "me"s had met and discussed matters I think they would have parted friends, a little wiser and pretty happy. That is not too shabby!

A proud father's post

This was the first time we heard my daughter perform musical theatre. We didn't know she had a voice!

I know it is not perfect, but for a father it is way beyond good enough.

Please excuse this act of self indulgence.