It Is A Pleasure To Challenge Conventional Wisdom

I don't often post twice in a day, but I felt this warranted capturing.

The conventional wisdom in cities like London is not to give to the people one sees begging on the streets. The arguments range from "all your doing is paying for their drug habit" to "they are professional beggars who send the money home" and all points in between. I think that this one-size-fits-all thinking is dangerous and instead prefer to use my own judgment.

I have long supported the Big Issue and its vendors and while not adopting any of them I have favoured a few with my custom. As I have blogged already my faith in that effort has been reinforced with the movement of Eddie who was my local vendor onto a new job as a road sweeper in the New Year. When he told me the news it was with happiness and pride in his voice and it moved me more than a little.

So to today, New Year's eve. It is a wet miserable day in London and as I walked out to get some lunch I passed a young man (20's I guess) sitting with his dog sheltering under plastic sheeting. To be fair he was not begging, but just sitting there. I decided spontanteously to give him a few quid and when I did he thanked me profusely.

I walked on, but my mind was caught up thinking that on a day like this he would not be sitting there for fun. I was also very aware how lucky I am with a house and family to go home to and, for now at least, no real money or health worries. I then decided that I would go one step further and as I ordered my take-out hamburger I ordered a second. This was from one of the better burger chains and I was not sure what he would like. I went for a simple classic burger for him and then sat and waited.

About fifteen minutes later my order was ready and I walked out with two burgers, one for me and one I hoped he would accept and enjoy. As I approached him I reached into the bag and pulled out the box and offered it to him. Being a Brit I apologised, of course, that it was just a basic, classic burger, but hoped he would enjoy it.

Well his eyes lit up as he took the box, you could have seen his smile a mile away. He thanked me profusely again saying that a burger was burger. He then opened the box and saw what was inside - a really good 6 oz burger in a nice bun and if it is possible his smile was even brighter.

As I walked away I looked back and he was immediately eating the burger and I felt I could hear his pleasure. I have no idea when he last ate, but I am glad that I followed my instinct and decided to "give" to this man today. I found I had a lump in my throat as I re-entered the office and even now as I write this I feel quite emotional.

I did not give to him to make me feel good, but rather in recognition of how lucky I am and that I can afford to give back to those less fortunate. That said it is good to give and I feel a better person for doing so.

Whether I will see him again I have no idea. I am not aware of seeing him before so on Thursday when I am back in the office he may well be gone, but that does not distract from the act nor will it discourage me from exercising my judgement again in the future. This does not make me an easy touch for any beggar, but it does confirm that I am a feeling and compassionate being. It does not harm to remind oneself of this every now and then in this increasingly uncaring world.

So I sign off 2013 feeling rather emotional, but also rather pleased. I hope to build upon this in 2014 and commend any reader who feels personally fortunate to consider how they might help at least one other person in the coming weeks and months.

Happy New Year one and all.

New Tricks For An Old Dog - Skills for 2014!

As 2013 draws to a close, I thought a light-hearted blog (with a little message inside) was called for so here goes.

I was in New York just before Christmas and bought my first ever pair of Levi 501's. The additional first was that these have the first button fly I have ever worn in my over 50 years of life. When trying them on in the shop I only did up the top waist button so it was only when I got them home I encountered my challenge.

Now I have talked before about some skills you should learn from your father; things like how to shave, how to handle yourself in a barbers, how to get your shoes polished, etc.. I hadn't thought that fastening one's trousers fell within this arena - one just knew how to do this. With a zip fly my technique is fasten the waist band then pull up the zip - simples.

When I did this with the button fly, the technique let me down. In part this was because the demin was new and stiff so any buttoning was harder than necessary, but more importantly doing up the waist band then cramped the space left for my fingers to manipulate the studs. I hurt my fingers and failed to fasten the top stud.

Now my father was not around and my house is full of ladies so I had to work this out myself - and I did. I realise that this may be second nature to many readers, but to me this was new. The secret (if one can call it that) is to button the fly from the bottom stud moving up and fasten the waist band last. So simple really, but as I said a first for me.

So now I have added a new skill to dressing arsenal - I can fasten button fly trousers! :)

The next one I want to master is this method for tying a tie.

With these I should be all set for 2014!!!!

Happy New Year one and all ....... and why not look out for the new skills you have aquired in 2013 or want to learn in 2014.

Breakfast at Tiffany's - Counting One's Blessings

I blogged yesterday about my visit to New York last weekend with my wife and daughter. This is a trip we have done a number of times though this year there was a question whether my daughter would come given she is now 18. Indeed the same question was asked about our holiday to Santorini and I hate to count the number of times either or both my wife and daughter stated "they were not going if 'she' was!" In the end both trips happened with a full complement and we're successful. That does not mean there were not a few incidents, but they were rare.

Anyway, back to their purpose of the post. I was asked what was best about the trip to New York and I replied that I just enjoyed it when my family, small as it is, is together. I also realised that it is only when on holiday or trips like this last one that we ever breakfast together. Our various work and until recently school times meant it was rare to start the day together and indeed my wife and daughter don't rate breakfast and often skip it.

So for a week of hotel breakfasts on holiday and a variety of locations in New York we ate and started our days together. In New York it could be as simple as a cream cheese toasted bagel and coffee or the more complete range of options at Ellen's Stardust Diner (where talented would-be Broadway artists serve and entertain as you eat - highly recommended by this family!), but it contributed to my enjoyment of the trip.

Now on most trips my wife has collected something from Tiffany's and indeed this time we did look, but we left without the turquoise bag - maybe next time.

Last evening I took to my bed immediately on returning home. I had a stinking cold and felt lousy. I was in bed for 12 hours asleep for most of it, but there were occasions when I woke and heard "happy" sounds from downstairs and indeed heard my daughter singing. I remember smiling as I listened.

These are the moments to remember and treasure. They are what I strive for as a father and a husband. I suspect and indeed I know that there are times when others think I come up short, but while I can build this sort of memory then I can't be doing all bad. We should all count our blessings wherever they come from and however you count them.

Liar's Poker and 9/11

This is something of a mixed post so bear with me. The first reference to Liar's Poker reflects that last night my journey home was something of a nightmare. A tree had taken out the overhead wires on my line and trains were badly disrupted.

When I eventually got on a train going in the right direction, I at with some football supporters off to watch West Ham and Spurs. To pass the time they started playing Liar's Poker, essentially bluffing on the serial numbers of bank notes. It is years since I have seen that played and in fact I doubted anyone did so any longer. It was the title of a book by Michael Lewis (1989) and seen to capture the excesses of bond traders and salesmen on Wall Street. If you haven't read the book I would suggest you do. It is not a hard read and a reminder of many things that were bad in the system and that we are still trying to fix.

The second part of the title relates to my visit this last weekend to Ground Zero and the new memorial garden. My family and I have been to New York a number of times just before Christmas. We went before 9/11 and then again in December 2002. While not visiting each year when we have been there we have always visited the site and shared some of its journey.

When we first went they were still clearing debris and the little church of St Pauls, where many of the rescue workers received support and succour, was still surrouned by railings festooned with tributes. Inside it was a functioning church but still full of the memories and memorabilia from that dreadful yet inspiring time.

The railings were cleared some years ago and the inside of the church better organised. The intention being to use many of the items inside a museum, that has now been built but will not open until Spring 2014. The residual presence of material from that time is still poignant, making a visit to the church an emotional event for most visitors (myself included).

When we looked back we had not been to the site for three years and this year we found new towers had risen into the sky and the memorial garden was now open. We queued and went through a full security check to get into the garden where we found the two "pools". These are the footprints of the two towers. Around the edge of the two pools the name of each victim is cut out from the metal. A white rose is placed by each name on their birthday, but something that touched me more were the names where clearly someone (or many) had stood there tracing the names with their fingers. For these names the edges of the cut has work to shine with the patina removed showing the metal underneath. They are clearly not forgotten.

The pools themselve are vast with water cascading down the sides from the edges to a pool level that at its centre has a well that the water then falls down. It was not possible to see the bottom of that well.

In that garden too is the one tree that survived the collapse of the towers. It was an eight foot stump when it was removed from the site and nurtured back to health. It suffered an uprooting during a subsequent storm, but survived that too. It is now known as the "Survivor Tree".

Somehow it all felt very apporpriate. I did wonder if this was closure and the end of our journey with tragedy of 9/11, but I suspect not. While I did know of people killed in the collapse I did not actually "know" anyone, but that day I watched it live on TV and it is something that will never leave me. I think it likely that I will visit every time I am in New York as there will always be something to gain from the experience.

Better late than never!

I am a pretty tolerant person - you can ask anyone who knows me. I tend to see the best in people, give the benefit of the doubt and start from a position of being prepared to trust another person until/unless they prove unworthy.

The number of people I would say I dislike from my life is very small - less than one hand - so it has been a matter of some personal discomfort that someone got under my skin and has had me spitting feathers  more than once. I really did not understand why I could not get past that feeling of dislike/distrust.

Last night I met up with an old friend and somehow, I can't recall how, this person cropped up in conversation. We had a chuckle about certain aspects and I found myself going over what was said in my head as I walked home. I suddenly realised why this person was "different".

Before I explain let me say a little about the person.

A few years ago they came new to the company I then worked for and took over a small department I had built and led. Them taking over was not an issue as I was ready for a change and indeed had a role to take up. What started causing the problem was than they then ripped up pretty much everything I had built bringing in a whole new team and re-inventing the wheel many times over.

I should say that rapacious and incessant self-publicity was a key feature of this individual so shortly after they started re-engineering my department, when a contact suggested I looked at this person's linkedin profile I did so. On it there was a claim under education that they had been at the LSE for five years! This did not ring true, so I pulled a favour and another contact checked the academic roll of the LSE for the years in question. They found no trace at all, maiden name, married name, nothing!!!

For me this form of dishonesty is for me what would be called a deal-breaker. I judged that I could not publicly call them on it as that would be seen as sour grapes and bitchiness. Instead I calibrated how I would deal with them in future.

I should say their life path has been slightly exotic since then with the lack of ability to back up their self-promotion being found out on at least one notable occassion.

While our paths have not crossed for a long while this still left a bad feeling inside and periodically it has risen to the surface again. So last night was something of a reprise and cathartic release, but I also had an epiphany.

The real problm I have with this person is not that they were dishonest (though I do have difficulty with liars), or that they dismantled my work, but rather that they, without caring, damaged the careers of the staff I left in that department. They were side-lined, ignored and pretty much discarded. This despite them being good and capable people.

Now I have no problem with my work being challenged and improved, hell I certainly don't know best in everything. Indeed times change and as they do often need alternate approaches. But I recruited that team, I coached and trained them and I know they were good. If they committed a crime, it was only that they had worked for me and done as I had asked. They did not deserve to be treated so badly. Fortunately they are resilient people and have survived and bounced back to differing degrees. I have helped as and when I could, but their recovery is a credit to them.

So, now I think I understand why this person got under my skin. It was the careless way they treated  good people that I respected and cared about, setting back their careers substantially. I will still give the benefit of the doubt and hold onto the belief that this was not a case of malice, but rather blind ambition, the pursuit of which permitted the use and discarding of others. That person could not do that with me then and certainly cannot do it now....so they are of no concern.

Now I understand I expect the memories and my bad feelings towards them to fade into the distance - frankly they are not worth anymore of my energy or time.

Renewed Faith in the Big Issue

For some years I have been a supporter of the Big Issue and its work. My wife will tell you that I usually buy a copy of the Big Issue when I see it, always paying a little more than the cover price. I like the fact that their "clients" are held to a code of conduct and are working to help themselves.

While I do try and spread my purchases around there are inevitably some vendors I buy from more than others. One have seen in the City selling at the same pitch for four or five years and I started wondering whether selling the Big Issue had become an easy option, a habit maybe even an addiction in some way. What was going to move him up the next step to re-establishing himself in society. I once voiced these concerns to a member of the Big Issue management team and they confessed that this was something that worried them.

So yesterday it was with some joy (yes, I said joy!) that as I bought a copy from another (regular) vendor near Liverpool Street Station he told me that he had just three weeks left. There was a twinkle in his eye as he told me that next year he would be sweeping streets and that then he wanted to go on to be bus driver. He told me that one of the street sweepers around Liverpool Street had "got him in".

He told me he had been selling the Big Issue for two years and that was enough. I have seen him out there is the cold and wet, day after day. Always polite.

I have no idea how much the Big Issue staff helped him and how much was his own doing, but on the whole the experience and opportunity seems to have helped this man. I have no idea of his back story, I would not presume to intrude, but I felt so pleased that he was so happy to have job. Now sweeping streets is not what everyone would aspire to, but I say "Good on you and good luck".

When I see a street sweeper next year I expect I will check and see if it is him. Either way it has renewed my faith in the Big Issue. It may not be able to help everyone and it may have become entangled in scandals about Roma's taking over pitches, but if it helps some like this man then it is worth supporting - and it is a good read!

I commend you to look again at the Big Issue vendor you see in the street, someone you may have stopped noticing, and ask yourself if you can help with a purchase. Similarly maybe look more benevolently on the street sweeper that is easily overlooked and consider how this job may be part of a long hard journey for him (or her). A smile might just lift their day and yours.