Counting One's Blessings & Male Anorexia

As the parents of a teenage girl, my wife and I have faced a few challenges. These have included control battles about what she wears, what she eats, how much studying she does and if and where she goes out. At times his has been a real struggle, creating huge tensions between the three of us; wife, daughter and me.

Fortunately there are signs that we may be on the brighter side of the mountain now. In truth it seems to have been after she surprised herself with better GCSE results than even she expected and then embarking on a new phase of her schooling in Sixth Form.

The first sign was a lack of fight getting her up and out to school in the morning - she does it all herself. Then a strong performance when talking in front of the school elicited a lot of praise and encouragement from her teachers, we saw a new ambition in her eyes. She has since moved on in her interest in drama, taking her LAMDA (London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts) exam and, following a stint modelling on a school fashion show, she has been asked to do the same for a big Charity Show early in 2012. Linked with this she has now been on three photography shoots and from what we have seen, acted like a pro, as if she had done it all her life.

She has also been taken on for part time work in the clothing section of our local garden centre. The phrase "like a duck to water" comes to mind and she has already had good periods when she has been alone an fully responsible for the department. The feedback from others we know there has been very positive.

The last too pieces I wanted to record before I look too smug have happened just recently. Both happened yesterday. The first reacted to an disagreement we had about how high the stratosphere s above the earth. It does not matter how that dispute came up, but suffice it to know my daughter was adamant that I was wrong and she was right. Then yesterday morning she spontaneously admitted I was right. When I asked, she confirmed that she had bothered to look it up online. This effort to look something up surprised me, but more than that was the fact that she bothered to tell me I was right. In the past, to have admitted her Dad was right, would have been too painful to contemplate and thus would never have happened.

The second item was her conversation after I had taken her to see the latest Sherlock Holmes film last night. Not only did she enjoy it, but she was asking questions about the plot structure and commenting on how the film was shot and edited. This links with her work in drama, but shows a growing maturity and depth. I am very proud of her.

Putting this all in perspective is our concern and support for friends whose young son seems to have developed anorexia or something similar. We have only just learned about this, though it does seem to have manifested rather quickly anyway. A little research shows that male anorexia is rare and often not recognised until quite late. He is very successful in many ways; school, singing and sport to name but three aspects, yet somehow something is not right. In respecting their privacy it would be wrong to go into any detail here, but seeing the worry, stress and strain they are all under has certainly made me count our blessings and value them at least double.

In respect of our friends all we can do is be the best support we can be. We have been researching the topic, exchanging messages as they travel away for New Year and we will be there for them all in 2012.
Since becoming a parent, I have learnt so much about so many things I would never have dreamt I would. Male anorexia looks as it will now join the list. One thing to be thankful for is the knowledge bank that is the Internet, it makes researching topics do much easier. In case anyone else is looking for information on male anorexia, a useful link is www.anorexiaboy.co.uk .

Looking forward to Christmas

This may seem corny, but I am looking forward to Christmas....probably more than in previous years. I was trying to work out why and have come to a couple of conclusions.

The first is that we have less stress this year. We, my family area staying at home and others are coming to us. It is a little flexible but we will have something like 14 people on each of Christmas Day and Boxing Day. We catered for this number not long ago after my nieces 18th birthday party so we know we can do it relatively simply. The table is big enough! The range provides enough oven and stove top capacity. We, my wife and I, can work it well between us.

On top of that, no one has been pressured to come. My nieces want to come, as do their partners. It is quite something that they all feel comfortable to come to our home and be part of the festivities. Additionally my wife's second young cousins want to come too. This to me is a large part of what Christmas is about.

My daughter has grown a lot this year and in the last couple of weeks we have seen her take part in a couple of modelling photo shoots ahead of a fashion show next year along with starting a weekend / part-time work and seems to be doing well. She has taken on additional hours over this Christmas period and is blossoming.

Another possible factor is that I have not been employed in the run up to this Christmas. In itself that is not necessarily good, but it does mean I have not been immersed in all that Christmas is the office. No big Christmas party, no relentless eating and drinking with clients and colleagues. No commercial pressures.

In short a combination of "less is more" and a maturing of family group seem to be the key factors making this Christmas feel better. I do hope it lives up to expectations, but the signs are good.

Best wishes to everyone who has read my blog this year. If I have a wish for 2012, it is that I hope this blog receives a few more comment in future, making it a little more interactive. For my part I will continue blogging about things that catch my eye, stir my imagination or just look interesting.

This year seems different!

Now it may just be me and where I find myself, but as I catch up with many people I know, the end of 2011 feels different to previous years. There are a number of signs that I will cover and see if I can draw a thread joining them at the end.

#1 This is about the attitude to working over the Christmas period and the run up to it. In previous years it has felt as if business closed after the first week of December, though many people stuck around to party, network, etc. Personally this year that fade of activity has only happened in this last week before Christmas, BUT there seem to be more professional firms who are just closing for one or two weeks, sending contractors home (on no pay!) and not even attempting to maintain a pretence of business as usual. This seems to be a mixture of two things a drive to get as much done as canbe done at the end - my guess is appraisals and the hope of bonus' is driving a lot of his, but in the same vein recognising when progress is impossible ie the period directly over Christmas and working to save any avoidable expense at all in order to put the best shine on the finances. Materially the savings are probably minuscule, but psychologically and politically they have weight.

#2 Conversation over the holidays drinks and dinners seems more earnest. I hear deep conversations about the impact of the Euro collapsing or at least a few currencies falling out. While no one knows for sure there seems to be a view that it is a matter of when rather than if. As a result debates about the notation of contracts, absence of money stocks, etc seem to have a higher seat at the table than similar topics had in previous years.

#3 I hear repeated stories about budget cuts, about "no brainier" projects failing to get approval, about it being well into Q1 2012 before change portfolio are finalised(?) - even later than usual and about big projects under review and/or perceived to be in trouble.

#4 To balance this there seems to be endless regulatory change, now topped off with the drive to separate retail and investment banking in the UK. Calls for specialists in risk, KYC (know your customer) and the data that underpins all this seem to come I regularly.

#5 I know of at least three change teams in leading banks and institutions that are trying to build a new and improved change delivery capability. They are existing contractors (perceived as expensive and transitory) and replacing them with permanent employees. The view seems tone that there are good people in the employment pool. I know a few contractors who ave had their heads turned and come back from the "dark side".

I am sure there is more I could pull out and I do recognise that I am talking about change in financial services, but ate time when there aye should be more gloom, many are rubbing their hands together and looking forward to 2012. While there may be an inordinated focus on regulatory matters and much that is expected is still unknown, there is a optimism that there will be change and opportunities. This mood is strangely more positive than previous years.

Of course the change people will need to be agile and maybe a little patient, but there are more smiles than frowns, and plenty of networking underway.

I will look back at the end of Q1 and consider how it all pans out. Meantime I will be interested to hear how anyone else finds the closing weeks of 2011?

The worst Christmas carol ever?

St Edmunds College Chapel

On Monday we attended my daughter's school's carol concert and encountered what I think is possibly the worst Christmas carol ever. While being a strong Catholic school (no we are not catholic), it always manages a welcoming, inclusive carol concert in their old chapel. The choir features soaring descants and they get the "length" just about right at a little over an hour.

We have attended most years and once again they did it well this time. As usual they mix traditional and lifting congretational carols with choral pieces. These are largely familiar and include "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" at the end. This is a carol that was composed by a member of the college, John Francis Wade, in 1760 and first performed when the school was in exile as the English College in Douai, France. This year they had the original manuscript on display and sang the first verse in Latin. That was interesting.

Having said they did well, the order of service included "Of the Father's Heart Begotten" as a congregational hymn in the middle. I had never heard of this before and found that it rather like a dirge and difficult to sing. Of course a lack of familiarity did not help, but the problem was fundamentally deeper than that. I found the lyrics barely scanned, the music was pretty much of a drone and no descant to rescue it.

I felt it spoilt the flow and tone of the service. To me, and I am not "churchy", carols should be uplifting, inspirational and most of all enjoyable and engaging. This was not. Such a shame and, in my opinion, and unusual failure of judgement.

It reminded me of a Phil Collins concert at Wembley a few years ago. At this event Phil Collins played a very mixed bag of songs with no apparent shape or pattern. It was interspersed with continual pleas to give money to the homeless. As a paying member of the audience it felt as if he was playing to please himself, not to entertain or engage. All in all it was a big disappointment.

While I recognise that the primary reason for going to church/chapel is not to be entertained, engagement is critical and ever more important, so I will leave the reader to draw their own parallels.

My parting words are to suggest that anyone who has responsibility to put together the running order for a carol service should fight any temptation to include "Of the Father's Heart Begotten"!

Greater than the sum of the parts - the importance of integrity!

I am just heading home from an enjoyable and reinforcing evening with ex-colleagues. These were from one of the high performing teams I have blogged about previously. We slipped into an easy repartee and banter that lasted throughout the evening. There was a tolerance of our individual differences and a reminder of how we leveraged those same differences to create something that was greater than the sum of the parts.

In talking with a friend beforehand, I had commented that in part this great team and others hinged on the fact that the leader was comfortable in their own skin. Without this they cannot assemble the right collection of individuals and then preside over them as a team.

The other criteria came out more explicitly. It seemed that we all had someone who is/was there bête noir. For me this hinges on personal integrity ie lie to me and let me know you have lied (I am pretty smart!) and we will have problems in future. Interestingly, given we all operate in the world of financial services, there was unanimous agreement that personal integrity is the floor for building trust and being within the circle of trust. This really should not surprise me, but it does in a world where one wonders what values survive.

It fills me with a renewed optimism and a clear yardstick to use in future. As they say, "caveat emptor".

Why does your golf ball go where it does??

I have been playing golf for around 20 years and my enthusiasm still outweighs my ability. While I can hit a long, straight ball (and these are the ones that bring you back!) they are still in the minority. It could be something to do with a lack of skill. I struggle to play any game requiring me to hit a moving ball and am still amazed I can hit a golf ball.

I have had lessons and heard my teachers tell me to feel the club head open, or the shaft kick, or my body tense. In truth I struggle with these verbal prompts. I am a physicist by training and I like to understand how things work so the when I found a good set of diagrams in Golf World in February 1995 they helped me a lot, particularly the last two. I slice the ball rarely now, though I do still hook badly at times. I still hit the "full range of shapes", but not on demand.

This makes my game rather unpredictable, but understanding the combination of events that lead to a particular outcome does help my quest to improve.

I came across a digital copy of these diagrams on an old hard disk the other day and in case these are of help to others I thought I would reproduce them here. I hope they will help others who "learn" in this way.