How to survive Christmas....

...or "The Negotiation Ritual"

With the news that Christmas is the time when the most marriages breakdown and families row, I am reminded of something that may help you survive - it is the Negotiation Ritual.

This was taught to me over 20 years ago by an eminent and very experienced negotiator and trainer called Hank Calero (now dead). His contention was that any successful negotiation had to go through seven steps. While there was no requirement for a particular step to take five minutes, five days or even five years, his belief was that if anyone tried to shortcut or avoid any of the steps, then they would necessarily be pulled back to address it before there could be a successful conclusion.

I did have his book from that course but made the mistake of "lending" it to someone who never returned it and I lost track. The book is long out of print and I am not sure if I could locate it, but a friend did manage to find me an old hardback copy of "Winning the Negotiation"

The Ritual is:-

• Introductory Phase - this acquaints the participants
• General Overview - a chance to let the other party sense your initial goals and feelings without giving away too much else
• Background Music - this is where each side gives its sense of context and the route to the current negotiation, helps give perspective
• Definition of Issues - there are usually four areas, your needs, their needs, mutual needs and hidden needs; this is where the landscape of conflict and understanding of what needs addressing. It is important to uncover everything that needs addressing.
• Conflict Phase - There may have been resistance, defensiveness and hostility before, but this is where the real volleys come out and the level of conflict rises.
• Fallback and Compromise - this is where, having identified issues and established the conflicts between you, you explore the possibilities of compromise. Why else would you be negotiating?
• Agreement in Principle/Settlement - without authority one can only agree in principle, with authority one can settle, either way this is where the details of compromise(s) is described and agreed.
• Post Settlement - A hand shake and smile do not end a sucecssful negotiation. The agreed items have to be brought to life, without that the negotiation is void and one will have to return to the table again.

 If you find yourself fighting over the Christmas TV schedule, seating plan or something more serious then an awareness of this ritual could well help you navigate to a successful conclusion.

I do hope you don't need it, but will commend you to return to the subject in the new year and brush up your skills in this field - we end up using it so much so our competence is better being conscious than accidental.

Thought for today...

...even the ugliest tree looks beautiful in the snow!!!

We are once again covered by deep snow with all the debates about how Britain doesn't cope with it. Yesterday, here in Hertfordshire I would guess that something like four inches fell in two hours. As a result we aborted a trip out, taking 10 times as long on the return as it took for the outward journey.

Well we got back safe and sound and have since done our good deed by clearing and gritting the path and drive of neighbours - he has Parkinson's and needs to get out to hospital in the morning.

Then this morning we took out Yorkie (in her pink Biba-like jumper) out in the snow. It was up to her belly, but she loved it until ice balls formed in her pads. Even then her tail did not stop wagging. Along the way we bought and drank hot chocolate and coffee - my teenage daughter even came along with a smile!!

We have also had warm afternoons snuggled up with Christmas films on TV and later I will probably make some mulled wine.

Not bad for a "disastrous" weekend, but I do think the opening quote, which came from my wife in the middle of crawling traffic, is the one that will stay with me. It reminds me that it often pays to take a different look at the things you have always seen, they might delight and surprise you.

Happy Christmas and season's greeting to one and all.

I hope you enjoy the Christmas card below - it is just a bit of fun - let it load and then check the other pages!

Ian.

A New Year Honour!

I feel honoured to have been invited as the first guest blogger on the developing Enterprise Management Association - International ( EMA-I ) site in the new year. The association is an attempt to support and develop the skills and tools for managing strategic change. It for the "go to" people, the "usual suspects" that every company has and uses when it is wanting to shape and deliver large, strategic change and or deal with major issues.

As such it is looking to operate above the more mechanical aspects of project management, by providing real and practical support for the governance of change in its widest sense. It embraces the full range of skills (soft and hard) required to help individuals and organizations improve their ability to execute strategy and improve operational performance by effectively managing change as a key to business success.

Their framework is illustrated below:-

So now my challenge is to draft three or four pieces ready for the beginning of January - no trouble (I hope).

I will post the pieces back here after their launch on EMA-I's website, but maybe you will be interested in looking there directly and maybe even getting imvolved and voluntering.

A Toast to the Visionaries of 2011

A little over a month ago I blogged about the Chivas Regal advert about chivalry that I very much liked, well it seems that spirit companies seem to have the good lines these days.

On the way back from my latest trip I came upon an advert for Grey Goose, the vodka, and it included a toast

....TO THE VISIONARIES THAT MOVE US ALL FORWARD

TO EUREKA!
TO A FUNDAMENTAL SHIFT
TO ASKING WHAT IF?
TO FINDING OUT WHY
TO SO CRAZY IT MIGHT WORK
TO THE GUTS TO TRY
TO SEEING THE INVISIBLE
TO FINDING OBSTACLES INSPIRATIONAL
TO OUTSIDE THE BOX
TO OUTSIDE THE LINES
TO TAKING SMALL STEPS
TO BEING AHEAD OF OUR TIME

If we could each use at least a few of these in the weeks ahead, we can make 2011 a better and more interesting time for everyone.

A Seasonal Shout Out!

.....or a personal reflection after 6 months

At this time of year, when many of us have seasonal holidays / celebrations approaching I wanted to send my best wishes to anyone I know here, especially those who have contributed in some way with comments, suggestions, and support through 2010.

I started this blog as personal exercise back in May. To be honest I had no idea how I would find the experience, given that I have never considered words to be my strongest suit. I also had no idea if anyone would read it and/or find any aspect interesting.

To my surprise both aspects have exceeded expectations.

In terms of writing, I have found that my mind has generated plenty I wanted to write about and, although probably stylistically bereft, I have not found it hard to write. More than that, at least a few of the postings have clearly been delivered in a way to generate some strong resonances.

I am not sure it is becoming easier, but then maybe I am more demanding of myself. One thing I have learnt is not to force matters, but rather let them flow. I have also tried to be true to my own "voice", but I guess only readers will know that for sure.

One tool that has helped is a piece of software called Whitesmoke, that does more than simple spell checking, highlighting things like the repetitive use of a word, the complexity of sentence structure (not always advocating a simpler approach!) and other useful measure that have given me some personal benchmarks.

Similarly the Blogpress app on my trusty iPad makes my blog readily accessible for contributions wherever I am.

In terms of readership that has amazed me on two counts. The first is the number of page hits I have had; now a shade under 1,000 or an average of around 160 per month - and no before you ask they are not all me - I turned of the tracking of my own visits some time back.

More astounding has been the reported home countries of these visits. The statistics supplied here show that by far the largest populations of readers are, not surprisingly, in the US and the UK, but I have had a significant proportion come from much further afield:-

• South Korea
• Singapore
• India
• Denmark
• Switzerland
• Holland
• Belgium
• Brazil
• UAE; and
• A satellite phone connection!

The level of repeat visits is rising too.

Overall I plan to continue with this blog as long as the ideas for posts keep flowing and someone/anyone finds them interesting enough to read.



I have little idea who specifically reads the blog, but if anyone who reads this post fancies participating in an experiment we can give it a go. Please

a) comment with your own seasonal greeting to other readers and we will see how many we get; and
b) if you find any post, past or present, interesting please pass on the link to one other person.

Now we sit and watch with baited breath.