Better late than never!

I am a pretty tolerant person - you can ask anyone who knows me. I tend to see the best in people, give the benefit of the doubt and start from a position of being prepared to trust another person until/unless they prove unworthy.

The number of people I would say I dislike from my life is very small - less than one hand - so it has been a matter of some personal discomfort that someone got under my skin and has had me spitting feathers  more than once. I really did not understand why I could not get past that feeling of dislike/distrust.

Last night I met up with an old friend and somehow, I can't recall how, this person cropped up in conversation. We had a chuckle about certain aspects and I found myself going over what was said in my head as I walked home. I suddenly realised why this person was "different".

Before I explain let me say a little about the person.

A few years ago they came new to the company I then worked for and took over a small department I had built and led. Them taking over was not an issue as I was ready for a change and indeed had a role to take up. What started causing the problem was than they then ripped up pretty much everything I had built bringing in a whole new team and re-inventing the wheel many times over.

I should say that rapacious and incessant self-publicity was a key feature of this individual so shortly after they started re-engineering my department, when a contact suggested I looked at this person's linkedin profile I did so. On it there was a claim under education that they had been at the LSE for five years! This did not ring true, so I pulled a favour and another contact checked the academic roll of the LSE for the years in question. They found no trace at all, maiden name, married name, nothing!!!

For me this form of dishonesty is for me what would be called a deal-breaker. I judged that I could not publicly call them on it as that would be seen as sour grapes and bitchiness. Instead I calibrated how I would deal with them in future.

I should say their life path has been slightly exotic since then with the lack of ability to back up their self-promotion being found out on at least one notable occassion.

While our paths have not crossed for a long while this still left a bad feeling inside and periodically it has risen to the surface again. So last night was something of a reprise and cathartic release, but I also had an epiphany.

The real problm I have with this person is not that they were dishonest (though I do have difficulty with liars), or that they dismantled my work, but rather that they, without caring, damaged the careers of the staff I left in that department. They were side-lined, ignored and pretty much discarded. This despite them being good and capable people.

Now I have no problem with my work being challenged and improved, hell I certainly don't know best in everything. Indeed times change and as they do often need alternate approaches. But I recruited that team, I coached and trained them and I know they were good. If they committed a crime, it was only that they had worked for me and done as I had asked. They did not deserve to be treated so badly. Fortunately they are resilient people and have survived and bounced back to differing degrees. I have helped as and when I could, but their recovery is a credit to them.

So, now I think I understand why this person got under my skin. It was the careless way they treated  good people that I respected and cared about, setting back their careers substantially. I will still give the benefit of the doubt and hold onto the belief that this was not a case of malice, but rather blind ambition, the pursuit of which permitted the use and discarding of others. That person could not do that with me then and certainly cannot do it now....so they are of no concern.

Now I understand I expect the memories and my bad feelings towards them to fade into the distance - frankly they are not worth anymore of my energy or time.