Bullying - Memories of an unlikely(?) victim.

I was one of the largest boys in my school and playing county level rugby as a lock forward and while I did not think it at the time, I was the victim of bullying. The main perpetrator was a smaller boy who we will call "Deano". I had known him since I moved the area at the age of 11 and we both moved through the end of infant school, through two years of secondary schooling before both moving to a grammar school at age 13. While he did not live next door he lived close and for the latter two schools we both bus'ed to school using the same bus.

He was more the artist (quite literally) and I was the geeky scientist. I will also admit that I stood out being almost freakishly tall (5'10" at age 11 and 6'1" by 13). I was also rather socially naive, somewhat ungainly and if I am honest had some Tourette's type physical tics. I tried hard to talk about music and football, but I knew little about either and it showed. I made some classic faux pas'. I had no girlfriend (are you honestly surprised?).

I was probably scholastically smarter than him, but he was far more street smart and cooler than me. He was part of a group and something of the leader. He was a great artist, always drawing in his books copies of comic book heroes and fantasy cars. Skills like this impress other boys at that age. He was certainly skilled and I believe that he went on to paint matts (the fantatstic backdrops used when Green Screening for major films) at Pinewood!

But he was a bully. Mainly verbal, after all I was bigger. That said I was something of a gentle giant off the rugby pitch and rarely got angry or lost my temper. As such I guess I was someone he could poke and make fun off quite safely. And he did. I took it as the price of being part of the group.

In those days bullying was really seen as only a physical activity. The psychological perspective was not really recognised.

I can't say that it came to a stop, but it lessened severely one day about the age of 15 or 16 when I snapped. Waiting at the bust stop to come home, something was said, done, I really don't know what, and I lost my temper for one of the few times in my life. All I recall now was that in very short order I had Deano lying on the ground and me sitting on his chest with every opportunity to pummel his face. I didn't pummel him, at least I don't remember that I did, and the red mist lifted, but I think the shock I gave him in downing him physically after all the years I had just taken his poking was enough to change it.

I can't say that we are best mates, in fact I haven't seen him in 30-odd years, but our respective mother's occassionally exchange information. They may have known of the bullying, but if they did it wasn't because of me telling them.

I have always been a physically large person, but there was then and, if I am honest, there have been other occassions since when I was susceptible to psychological bullying. That I started to recognise the problem meant I could deal with it and avoid vulnerable situations.

I write this not for any sympathy, I am over the problems and happy with who I am and where I am, but rather as a reminder not to assume that the victims of bullying are the small and weak and not all bullies are large. All it needs is someone to be different in some way and another person to be prepared to take advantage of that for whatever reason (jealousy, guilt, fear, ......)