The reason for this post is a trigger from an item on Linkedin. I only made the connection as I was rakeing half a ton of leaves from my garden. I have observed before that it is often during these periods of manual exertion that my mind starts making interesting connections, and this was no different.
In this instance the trigger was a webpage ( that I broadcast via Twitter the other day ) and concerned 5 ways to make a good first impression. The connection in my head was that the factors that help make a good first impression are also those that help sustain a good impression and thereby there is a link with previous posts about developing gravitas. The key point being that building gravitas is far harder if your teh first impression to make is not a good one.
The five ways to make that killer first impression were reported as:
- Set an intention. The most important thing to do for giving a good impression is to set your intention. This is especially important before any kind of big event where you would be meeting a lot of people — i.e. conferences, networking events or friend’s parties. As you get ready or when you are driving over think about what kind of people you want to meet and what kind of interactions you want to have. This can be an incredibly grounding experience and works very well to focus on what kind of energy you want to have for your event.
- Think about your ornaments. Clothes, make-up, jewelry, watches and shoes are all types of ornamentation and people definitely take these into account when making initial judgments. I highly recommend getting some of your favorite outfits or ornaments together and asking friends you trust what they think of when they see them. For many men, they do not realize that their watch can say a lot about them. For women, purses and large earrings or jewelry can also indicate a lot to a new person they are meeting. Make sure that what you are wearing and how you do your hair or make-up says what you want it to say to the people you are meeting for the first time.
- Be Conscious of Your Body Language. Body language is a crucial part of first impressions. Everything from your posture to how you carry yourself to the way you’re angling your body. Often, simply being aware of your body language can result in immediate improvements. Another way to examine your body language is to look at yourself on a video walking around a room. Subconscious cues to keep in mind include noticing where you point your feet, the position of your shoulders, and the way you shake hands.
- Avoid bad days. People who go to cocktail events or mixers after having had a bad day typically continue to have a bad day. If you are in a depressed or anxious mood, others will pick up on this from your facial expressions, comments and body language. If you’re having a bad day, stay home! Otherwise, find a way to snap yourself out of your bad mood. I find working out or watching funny YouTube videos before events often gets me in a more social, feel good mood.
- Be interested and interesting. If you are truly interested in meeting people and are open to learning about who they are, they will get this in a first impression. We have all had the experience of meeting someone and knowing instantly that they were dragged here by a friend and are just waiting to get out the door and head home. When you are meeting people for the first time approach others with a genuine interest in who they are. This is often contagious and you will have better conversations and lasting connections when you are interested because they become interested.
#4 is also very relevant and is about self awareness and emotional intelligence. It is far harder to recover from a bad encounter than it is to put one off until a better time. If there is someone you need to impress, be honest with yoruself about whether this is the time and place that is most advantageous. If not look for ways to improve the situation, even if it is only allowing you ten minutes to talk a walk and refocus. Be positive and active and most people will respond well.
Remember your value and keep focused on #1 ie what outcome you seek from the encounter, what your intention is?
Ian - I enjoyed this and your previous posts on "gravitas". As a student of the Classics in my time, I particularly appreciated your reminder that this concept was originally one of the Roman virtues.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the reasons there are so few online resources about "gravitas" is that most people use the term simply because it's a trendy buzzword, without stopping to think about what it means - whether in general, or for their company, or to them in particular. For example, although it crops up in a multitude of mid- to senior-level job postings, I wager that not 10% of the recruiters responsible for those postings would be capable of giving a coherent definition of the term. In general there is an alarming disparity between the number of people who use the term, on the one hand, and the number of people who actually understand it, on the other!
Having just moved back to the UK from the USA, where the word is rarely if ever used, I am not sure whether to be amused or dismayed at this disparity. In any case, thank you again for your informative and illuminating posts on the subject!
Robert Dallison
Twitter @robertdallison