The Power of Music

I know this will sound uncharitable, but I was facing last Staurday evening with some trepidation. Until a week ago the calendar had just said "gig". The plan had been to go to Camden Town to see the band of a friend play - he is the lead vocalist. The "friend" was my daughter's headmaster at her junior school (my daughter is now almost 19) and something of an inspirational character. This is an oft used description, but rarely so well deserved - more of that later.

Just before my daughter moved to senior school this man was diagnosed with (male) breast cancer and has been fighting it ever since. There have been times of hope and "other" times, but through it all his faith, his family and his music have helped see him through. I am not too sure of the history of his band, but having seen them a couple of times they are clearly old friends who have other careers yet enjoy playing together. I am not a music expert or critic, but I would put then in the soft rock genre and they write a lot of their own songs.

This last year for him has been rocky in places, but they decided to put the band together for this gig last Saturday. They had also started recording some of the tracks for posterity.

At the same time he and his wife of 28 years had also been planning to renew their marriage vows later this year. With his future uncertain they felt they wanted to do this sooner rather than later and plans were afoot to make that happen.

Well ten days ago his health took a blow. I won't go into details out of respect and knowing that he has not wanted everyone to know. The things to know are that a) it was a major blow and shook their plans and b) it affected his ability to process words and speak. As a result we and others were informed on Monday that instead of a gig they would use Saturday evening to renew their vows "followed by light refreshments and some music".

Of course one wondered if this would be the end, the last time of meeting. In truth my wife, daughter, sister-in-law and niece (who was also one of his pupils) were much closer to him and more upset. For my self the trepidation was what sort of mood would the evening have and how would it leave all the attendees. I guess I was doing my "man of the family" piece and looking at how to hold mine together in face of the evening and its news.

My niece couldn't go having a major university exam all Staurday afternoon in Canterbury, but around 7pm the rest of us set off. We arrived at a large church in Muswell Hill and were directed near the front as we were "special" friends.

Let me say, and anyone who knows me knows, that church is not a normal place for me. I do have an inner faith, few scientists don't, but I have never related to the established churches for reasons that do not have a place in this posting. That said, the church that evening had a warmth and I am not talking about the weather.

Upholstered chairs rather than wooden pews. Plenty of red carpet and a buzz. People were laying out finger buffet food and uncorking bottles of wine at the back. Up front a number of musicians were practising, almost jamming as one felt that maybe they were learning some pieces for the first time or at least playing together for the first time. This include members of the band.

When he arrived, he had a smile fixed across his face and looked something like a little boy. I will get told off for this, but the fit of his suit reminded me of an old Norman Wisdom film - the jacket seemed too short. While he did say some hellos he was not his usual effusive and verbal self - a sign of what the last week had done to him.

His children had decided that he would not see their mother's dress until they were in the church so rather than the couple walking down the aisle together, his three children, two sons (19 and 11?) and daughter (17?) escorted their mother to join their father at the front.

What followed was touching and uplifting, rather inspirational like the man. The hymns sung were in a modern style - I am still not sure that they are not tunes I have heard in the charts, tho' the words were clearly hymnal. He struggled with his words on occassion, finding it easier to read what was written than to have to think and then speak. His wife prepared a speech of thanks to her husband and to the congregation for coming at such short notice and was then suprised as their eldest son read his father's words in response.

What could have been laden with doom and despair had been lifted.

After the service the wine and refreshments were passed around as the band prepared. As they said, if he couldn't go to the gig then the gig would come to him. They did something unusual in that they played the vocals he had pre-recorded some weeks a go and the band endeavoured to play around them - no easy feat.

At one point he even went up and sang with the band. Considering less than a weak before he could not speak at all this was something of a miracle. His wife was so pleased that he had been lifted in such a way.

I have lost track of which order these came in so forgive me, but towards the end there were two powerful points.

In one they played his haunting vocals to a song he and his friend (best man and band member) had penned and only completed recently. I managed to capture it on my camera phone, but out of respect (and it is not my place to do so) I will not post it. The key was that apart from his singing and the band's light support you could have heard the proverbial pin drop as everyone there was captured in the moment.

The other was when the same friend sang a song he had written just last Monday about and to this man. This was clearly very emotional, but also very apt.

We are told that they had expected around 100 people for the evening - the actual count was over 200. friends had rallied round providing food and drink and making it all possible. His wife's brother had driven overnight from Italy to be there (he did not let on until he walked into the kitche that afternoon). One couple were their with the 4-day old baby as they said they couldn't miss it. This was a sign of the man and what he means to people.

The time came to say goodnight. There had been emotional moments up until then requiring the application of tissues and handkerchiefs, but this ratcheted up as we prepared to leave. He was saying (almost whispering) bye to everyone one, but we don't think many really knew how serious matters are. My girls were red-eyed as they hugged him and posed for picture, wondering if this would be the last time they would see him.

I pondered what to say and came up with "Good night young man". It brought a genuine smile to his face and I guess that was my small gift to him.

So back to the title of this post. The music set a great tone for what could have been a sombre and tearful event, it has clearly brought many good friends together for a long time and it has sustained and lifted this special man through his long and continuing fight with cancer. How long this will go on, no one knows, but I feel was privileged to be invited last Saturday.

Without taking anything from Stephen Sutton and what he achieved in his short life, we should never forget that there are hundreds, even thousands of others who are battling daily and inspiring those around them in quieter, but no less important ways.